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29 June 2009 @ 09:16 pm
It's a long way to the Magic Kingdom.  
Good boys go to Disney World. Everyone else can go to Hell.

This might as well have been a Baptist mantra. Be good all year, get good grades, do what you're told, and this summer we'll go to Disney World. Disney World, my friends, was the ultimate reward. All good children yearned to frolic with Mickey, with Goofy, with Donald and the Chipmunks. If you did all that you were told, you were promised the journey to magical Orlando, to roll through the gates of the Magic Kingdom.

Disney World was the promise of your forefathers, a gift bestowed upon us all by Uncle Walt. When I was growing up, every good twelve year old boy knew ALL ABOUT Uncle Walt. Uncle Walt brought you all the animals in the world, told you tales of righteous heroes, and taught you right from wrong through that wise spirit, Jiminy Cricket, all through the Wonderful World of Disney, the unquestionable word of Walt.

Other kids would tell you not to bother. Nothing was worth being good all year. You could always go to Six Flags. Everyone could go to Six Flags. You're never all that far from one. It's a LOT easier to get to Six Flags than making that pilgrimage to Disney World. Six Flags, I'll have you know, is a sucker bet. Anyplace that will let you in for a song and a Coke can isn't worth going to, thank you very much. The weather's always hot, the food is always crappy, the prizes are terrible, and you have to wait in line just to find out that you're too short to ride the rides. Also, your favorite rollercoaster is always going to be broken.

Oh, it's a bribe, Daddy offering Disney World, no question. It's a bribe you'll take, though. The suffering will end, life will get better, and you will someday go to Disney World. Someday.

And that's Christianity, the promise of Heaven if you'll just be good and do as you're told until the suffering ends. Have fun with that.
Current Location: nowhere near Buena Vista
Current Mood: cynical
Sorciasorcia on June 30th, 2009 09:05 am (UTC)
No wonder I don't buy into the heaven thing anymore. I was a straight A student that never got into trouble and yet I have never been to Disney World.
Traveler Farlandertwfarlan on June 30th, 2009 08:59 pm (UTC)
This may be part of why I don't believe in Heaven or Christian theology anymore. I've been to Disney World, repeatedly. It didn't live up to the hype. It was fun... but nothing stays fun forever. The idea that anything can hold my interest for eternity is too much for my suspension of disbelief to bear.
Ace Lightning: Priestessacelightning on June 30th, 2009 09:48 am (UTC)
"kiss Hank's ass and he'll give you a million dollars when you leave town..."
Traveler Farlandertwfarlan on June 30th, 2009 08:58 pm (UTC)
Yeah. Hank can kiss my ass. He's not getting any money out of it, but if he shows up to speak his mind on it, we can get some things settled.
Ace Lightning: rainbow heartacelightning on July 1st, 2009 08:56 am (UTC)
nope, Hank never talks to anybody but Karl...


Edited at 2009-07-01 08:58 am (UTC)
Tom Smithfilkertom on June 30th, 2009 12:29 pm (UTC)
Of course, one of the most popular tableaux in Pirates of the Caribbean is the wench auction, with everyone shouting, "We want the redhead!" ;)
Steve McKnellydenali1 on June 30th, 2009 12:32 pm (UTC)
Traveler Farlandertwfarlan on June 30th, 2009 02:47 pm (UTC)
I believe to this day that tableau burned itself into my subconscious mind. Even now, I cannot help but look at a redhead and think, "Y'arr, me hearty, y'arr."
Life Rebooted: funhopeforyou on June 30th, 2009 08:19 pm (UTC)
I wonder how a Christian would deal with death if they had to face a Bardo realm?

Instead of Disney World, would they be bewildered by getting the Ten Courts of Hell in Haw Par Villa instead?
Traveler Farlandertwfarlan on June 30th, 2009 08:56 pm (UTC)
I am of the opinion that nearly everyone who dies is confused by it. I have no reason to believe that Yahweh's city and his far more occupied dungeon are the only things out there after this life. I believe in continuation after physical death, but I doubt most people go where they're expecting to go, you know?