Log in

No account? Create an account
17 January 2007 @ 08:31 am
A shameful little thought  
I am slightly ashamed of myself for thinking this. I know this isn't necessary, nor it is how things have to or automatically do work out in the real world. Still.

Do you ever find yourself thinking, "Oh, you're friends with him/her/them? That's too bad; he/she/they hate me and I hate him/her/them, so I guess we can't be friends,"?

I have caught myself thinking that a few times lately. I don't know why I'm thinking it. Still, I have. Still, I do. I don't believe that to be true. I am the friend of people who are friends with other people I cannot stand and who cannot stand me. For that matter, I have been that friend in the middle of people who were diametrically opposed to one another. I do not think that I am different in this regard to the rest of humanity. Still, I wonder.

I do these people a disservice to think that they are incapable of rising above personal politics. I do myself a disservice as well by considering it.

Tags: ,
Current Mood: unimpressed with myself
Current Music: ticking counterclock on the wall
bronxelf_ag001 on January 17th, 2007 07:13 pm (UTC)
"Oh, you're friends with him/her/them? That's too bad; he/she/they hate me and I hate him/her/them, so I guess we can't be friends,"

All the time. And with good damned reason, too.
Traveler Farlandertwfarlan on January 17th, 2007 07:33 pm (UTC)
The only reason I can't be friends with someone who is himself the friend of someone I hate is if said middle person is in agreement or alignment with the hated one. In the case of just a personality clash, people in the middle don't HAVE to choose sides, though they often do.
bronxelf_ag001 on January 17th, 2007 07:47 pm (UTC)
I've kept the few people who are neutral. Most were spies. They got dumped.
Traveler Farlandertwfarlan on January 17th, 2007 07:50 pm (UTC)
Yep. They're in alignment with the opposition. They've made a choice with which they'll have to live.
Ace Lightning: fusoracelightning on January 17th, 2007 09:37 pm (UTC)
i purely hate getting caught in the middle between two people who detest one another (or even between a couple who are breaking up). it can get very hard not to take sides.

but, even though "the enemy of my enemy is my friend", it doesn't necessarily follow that "the friend of my enemy is my enemy". in LJ, there is one particular person who decided, some years back, to hate me, for reasons that zie never did explain (and i never found out). i don't hate zir, which probably makes them crazy - i know it has that effect on other people who hate me, when i refuse to hate them back. but this person is still friends with many of my other LJ friends, and i see zir comments in their journals, and of course zie sees mine. i generally don't comment on any of zir comments, and zie doesn't comment on mine... we seem to have come to an unspoken agreement that we'll just each pretend the other one doesn't exist. but it does make me feel slightly uncomfortable when a friend of mine compliments zir about something zie says, and doesn't necessarily compliment me for my remarks on the same topic.

Traveler Farlandertwfarlan on January 18th, 2007 05:11 pm (UTC)
I don't know of whom you are speaking, here.
Ace Lightning: purple warning signacelightning on January 19th, 2007 02:29 am (UTC)
it was a few years ago. i think valkyrwench knows who i'm talking about. does it help if i mention that zie lives somewhere between where i am and where sorcia and kythrain live (although i'm pretty sure neither of them ever had any contact with zir at all)?

(Deleted comment)
Ace Lightning: toiletacelightning on January 19th, 2007 05:04 am (UTC)
yep. there are several people among my LJ friends who also consider her a friend; that's where we bump into each other. i don't comment on anything she says, and so far she hasn't commented on anything i've said, either. to this day, i have no fucking clue what set her off in the first place. not that i care, really, except for a vague curiosity.

(Deleted comment)
Ace Lightning: no dramaacelightning on January 19th, 2007 11:16 pm (UTC)
all i remember is that she suddenly went off on me for "betraying her trust", and i think she also said i lied to her. i suppose the idea of my being your friend could be twisted into a form of betrayal... *sigh*

it was a long time ago. i don't need the drama.

Traveler Farlandertwfarlan on January 19th, 2007 04:23 am (UTC)
Doesn't help in the slightest, actually. Ali thinks she knows of whom you speak; if she's right, then said person can go jump in a lake... from orbit.
Ace Lightning: drama llamaacelightning on January 19th, 2007 05:04 am (UTC)
see above...

(Deleted comment)
Traveler Farlandertwfarlan on January 18th, 2007 05:10 pm (UTC)
There is that, a feeling of distrust that can taint any relationship in these circumstances. I have a hard time staying friends with someone like that. Part of a real "friendship" to me is trust. If I can't trust you, how can I be friends with you? In my case, those relationsihps tend to drift away and die off on their own.

As for "that woman," I have no idea of whom you are speaking. Just no idea.
(Deleted comment)
Traveler Farlandertwfarlan on January 18th, 2007 07:46 pm (UTC)
It is both coincidental and extremely amusing to me that this particular person of whom you spoke happens to be tangentially involved in what prompted me to make this post in the first place.

It is hardly coincidental and is completely sad that said person is rather a lot like another such "her" who was in fact part and parcel of what prompted the post.
(Deleted comment)
Traveler Farlandertwfarlan on January 18th, 2007 11:12 pm (UTC)
Well, let me be very up-front about this. The reason I made this post was that was reading a post from someone I don't really know who was discussing a recent event in his life. Involved in this event were both your particular drama queen and one from whom I've had just about enough, thank-you-very-much. I wasn't involved in the event, there was no particular drama of which I am aware attached to event, and my post here has little or nothing to do with that event. Seeing certain names all in the same entry just prompted this thought, which I posted. (shrug)

Me, I'd rather have a few close friends than flit about among several hundred like a butterfly, never landing for long. Drama queens like our two are like radioactive butterflies; they too never land for long, but they seem to impact those upon whom they land far out of proportion to their actual weight.
Gordon Schumachereleccham on January 21st, 2007 05:58 pm (UTC)
Heh... I think that I myself am friends with people who are WRT you on both sides of that equation, and it all seems to work out okay.
Traveler Farlandertwfarlan on January 21st, 2007 06:32 pm (UTC)
You are correct in that you are friends with several people of whom this is true. So long as I don't have to interact with them, things seem to go along fine. My worst fear is that the other side of the equation will decide they do not feel comfortable "sharing" my friends in this manner and will go about the business of alienating our common friends from me.